Confessions of the Slightly Deluded

Some crushes we never get over.  You run into them and all those former feelings start to boil back up to the surface.  You always wonder if it was real love, lust, or just delusions of love to fill the void in your life and heart.  I can honestly say I have loved 3 men, however, they did not love me back.  Love unrequited is incredibly cruel.  Having to watch your love love another is perhaps the cruelest of all, and can drive a person crazy.  You try to be happy for those that you love, and you may honestly even be truly happy for them and their happiness.  Their happiness means everything to you, so you put a smile on and pretend that the feelings don’t exist.  You go home hoping that the feelings will go away and that you could finally meet someone who will turn your world upside down and make you forget you ever had feelings for them in the first place.  You go to bed each night and say a prayer, wishing for love, but it never comes.  Love is patient though, right?  People say that you can’t search for love, love finds you.  You can’t chose who you love.  The connections you make with people can be for days, weeks, months, or ever lasting.  How do you know which is which?  Putting all your faith and trust into others can end up biting you in the end.  But you can’t live life in fear of getting hurt.  You can’t live life searching endlessly for love; thinking that each person you meet may be the potential love of your life.  There are no rules when it comes to living your life and there are definitely no rules when it comes to love.  

I fell in love with a boy,

      but he did not fall for me.

It felt so real, true bliss was ours,

      but I guess it was not meant to be.

He inspired me when we were together,

      and even when we were apart.

He enriched my mind, my life, my being, 

     and lit a fire in my heart.

When I was with him I felt complete,

     like the missing half to my whole.

I felt it in my heart my mind,

     and even in my soul. 

Life with him was so much better,

     whenever he was around.

A simple look, a smile, a touch

      made my heart begin to pound.

(work in progress)